The beginning

My son Ryan is absolutely great i really can't say enough about him, he is my number one topic of conversation and i bore people for hours just talking about him.

At 10.01am September 11th 2003 Ryan was born and i feel my life as well as his began, well i can't really remember much before him. I couldn't sleep for the first week not just because of his hunger but because i didn't want to take my eyes off him, i (we obviously) had made something this perfect! He smelt gorgeous and looked so beautiful.

I knew nothing about babies when he was born i knew everything about being pregnant, so i learnt on the job and listened to advice from others and read lots of books normally during the night after his 2am feed! seemed more peaceful then. I found What to expect the first year a brilliant book easy to find answers everything spelt out clearly just what i needed. I didn't find much help from my team of midwives just contradicting advice. I listened to friends and family and was really grateful for any advice but only you can decide whats the right thing to do for you it can get quite confusing.

I quickly got used to being treated differently when we went out and about, are pushchairs really invisible? not anymore you just keep going and people soon notice you coming. I did get lots of help on buses though. Mother and baby groups where a good chance to show off, mines bigger than yours and all that. All seemed the same after a while but i did get a cup of tea made for me.

Some people are prepared for the birth and the baby months before they have even conceived but you can't prepare yourself for how isolated you feel, especially during those first months.It takes all morning to get your baby ready then you think of yourself, by then its time for yet another feed and change. I was always late for everything. The huge bag of supplies needed to survive outside of the house was bigger than my baby. Its all very tiring and easier to stay in but you got to get out and then you don't feel so alone.

Ryan has always been a granny magnet, in bus stops and supermarkets they would flock around him, he's a big one isn't he they all used to say then they looked to me and said well your big built though, i had many conversations like this. The older they are the more honest the opinion even though i hadn't asked for one. Yes i'm over weight but my son isn't. He was 9lb 4oz born and in perfect proportion to the rest of his beautiful body, and still is. Anyway Ryan has always been very happy, quite easy to please, Andrew (his dad) made him laugh by waving a empty envelope in front of him at 2 months old, why did we buy toys.

Weaning was a bit of a struggle because Ryan loved his milk so much but we got there, everyday for 2 years he had weetabix for breakfast, now at 3 years he has cheerios or porridge or weetabix.

Ryan started at the local preschool at 2 years old just for an hour and a half a week. I don't know who found it more difficult, we would both end up crying. The staff had seen it all before and soon got rid of me, i stood outside the building listening to the cries it was awful. I stayed a couple of times but that didn't help the situation. He now loves preschool and i now enjoy time to myself but still can't wait to see him. I was surprised to find some of the other mothers not so eager to see their children. We all Que up outside the school waiting for the door to be unlocked, and for some reason nobody speaks to one another unless you are part 'the group' i have had people talk around me. Funny but the dads always talk to everyone. I just turn up on time.

Evenings and weekends are our special times, lots of messing about really just us time.We visit local attractions such as children's farms and the beach and cinema. Bedtime routine is simple but great. Wash then into bed with a story at the end Ryan says 'lets talk about my wonderful day' then we go through the good and bad bits then he goes to sleep.

Ryan awakes early always has (just like his dad) and bounds into my room 'morning darling' he says and i always begin the day with a smile.

There have been many funny moments during the last 3 years and 9 months but unfortunately i can't remember them all. I will try to write them here as i go, along with other things we have been up to.